Guys are constantly doing shit to fuck up, we wouldn’t be guys if didn’t.  Here are a couple of gifts that will secure your place back in the bed, and get you off the couch.  Good Luck fuckers.

One of the hottest sandals of the season by Gucci.  The ‘Victoire’ $700.  www.gucci.com

Girls love change.  This means they need a change purse.  This one is great.  ’Popsicle’ change purse by Kate Spade New York $78.  www.katespade.com

If you’re in the dog house, chances are you guys aren’t fucking.  You have your hand to help you out, she may need this… Glass Dildo with 24 Karat “raised veins” $65 on Etsy.com.

Girls like jewelry–all kinds.  So if you haven’t gotten her the engagement ring yet, this may make her forget about it for about 15 minutes.  Interlocking rope necklace by C Wonder $78.  www.cwonder.com.

Girls like clothes.  It’s hot out now, so they need stuff like this.  We love this tank, because it’s perfect for some side boob action, and who doesn’t like side boob?  ”Two Scoops” Tank by Nasty Gal $28 www.nastygal.com.

“Fuck Off” chandelier earrings by Melody Ehsani around $50.

Most guys run to Louboutin because they don’t know any other brand.  Try something new for once.  Put your girl onto some new shit, she’ll be impressed.  Alexander Siradekina Spring Summer Collection tassel pumps.

Hopefully, we’ve all grown in some way since last year.  Not in size, but spiritually, mentally, and hopefully financially.  If you’re an old stagnant mother fucker, don’t read any further.  If you embrace change, and wanna update your Spring/Summer look, I’m you’re guy.  Here’s 5 menswear trends for S/S ’13 that will help you step your game up.

Camo:  This trend isn’t new, but it doesn’t appear to be going away anytime soon.  Pretty much every menswear designer is incorporating camouflage into their collections.  Now,you can’t wear it head to toe, or else you’ll look like you’re going deer hunting–subtle accents are best.

Try these loafers by Jimmy Choo.  Around $700.

Stripes.  Now this is one of my favorites.  Stripes never get old to me.  If you’re frightened of patterns, start out with an accent piece like a tie or socks.  If you ain’t “scurred”, do like I do and wear everything striped you have in your closet all together.  It definitely makes a statement, but that shit isn’t for everybody.  Know your limits.

Look from Tommy Hilfiger S/S 2013

Michael Kors S/S ’13

Baseball Jackets.  These aren’t your normal letterman/baseball jacket.  They’ve been reincarnated into something quite spectacular.  Check the one out below by Burberry Prorsum.  I never thought of wearing something that’s normally so casual at night.  It’s brilliant.

Burberry Prorsum

Diesel

Gucci

Neon. We’re seeing neon everywhere from man bags to shirts and ties.  If you’re bold enough you can do a full suit like the Ferragamo ones below.  It looks so crisp–a perfect summer look!

Ferragamo

Ferragamo

Shimmer.  Shine isn’t just for night.  Incorporate a light shine during the day.  Trust me, it’ll make your day go by quicker.

Zegna

You’ve just gotta love Andre Leon Talley. Normally I can’t see past an overweight Black man with an annoying “gay lisp” wearing a moo moo, but Uncle Andre is excluded.  In the video below, he speaks about self-invention.  Great advice for anyone looking to set themselves apart from the rest of the crowd.  Be different, because anything else is just wack.  Enjoy.

By THOM BROWNE. My edits in red.

Rules for proper suit usage to prepare you for not getting embarased while wearing expensive suits.
#1: “Only the middle button on the jacket should be buttoned when you are wearing it closed.” Fact.
#2: “The pocket square in the breast pocket should be just peeking out (no more than 1/8 of an inch).” Good rule, but if you want to go over the top, feel free. Keep it small, or BIG though, nothing in between.
#3: “The last button on the cuff of the jacket should be left unbuttoned.” Fact. If your suit doesn’t do this, you’re probably wearing off the rack. That doesn’t necessarily mean your suit wasn’t expensive, but there are enough custom suit options that frankly, you should be buying them. You can try and find a tailer to make your non-functioning cuff buttons function, but its a risky move.
#4: “The button-down collar of the white oxford shirt should remain unbuttoned.” If you’re wearing a button-down oxford this is a fact. You will never catch me in a button down oxford. Ever.
#5: “Please do not iron the oxford shirts after washing.” Iron your shirts.
#6: “The trousers should be worn high-waisted so that the cuff of the trouser falls above the ankle.” Generally agree, but the more formal it is, the lower you can go. Don’t ever touch your shoe though.
#7: “The neckties have been pretied, but please remember to keep the knot very tight when tying the necktie.” I don’t care about the pretied portion, but definitely keep it TIGHT.
#8: “The necktie should be worn long, with the tip of the tie tucked into the waist of the trousers.” Fuck no.
#9: “The tie bar should be clipped so that it falls halfway between the collar of your shirt and the waistband of the trousers.” Eh. You can go higher.
#10: “The shoes should be worn without socks.” Agreed. Especially when rule 6 is in play.

When in doubt…trust in Nick Wooster

God I miss smoking.